I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
