u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
