I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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