I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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