Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
