no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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