he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
