how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
