i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
