Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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