her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
