there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
