guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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