Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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