Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize