We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
