He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
