I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
