I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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