Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
