At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
