I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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