I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
