theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
