You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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