I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
