I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
