Pants 0. Shit 1.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
