LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
