He uses pillows to masturbate.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
