Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
