Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
two words: eviction party
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
