Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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