I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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