Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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