Your face is a jimmy john
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
