I got chris browned last night
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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