Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
