Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
