his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize