I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
