I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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