I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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