The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
