Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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