You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
