Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
