she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
