and my herpes radar will keep us safe
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
