one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
