He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
