you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
