You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
