Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The adults are the big ones right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
