Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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