Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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