I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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