It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize