you would pick up someone in the library
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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