Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
