I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
