Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
