i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
