Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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