My friends, they love my intelligence
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
