I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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