So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
