I hate your face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
