I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize