I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
