Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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