i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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