I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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