I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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