I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
