let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
