new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
