Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
