happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
