I didn't shave. On purpose
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize