Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
