Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im part way to drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize