You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
