I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
