You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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