I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
