I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she smelled like a LAN party
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
