so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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