Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
