WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
