You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
