I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
