Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize