i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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