oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want her autograph on my taint
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
