saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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