you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
