she woke up with a sticky ear
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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