you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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