i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
