what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
