DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
