I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
