apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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