thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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