Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
