i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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