mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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