woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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