Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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