as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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