Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
