life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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