Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
