Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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