so that wasnt chicken after all
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
