im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
time to smoke my breakfast
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize