He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
