I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love you. Go after that dick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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