I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
