Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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