This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Duck Duck Cougar?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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