I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
