I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
