So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no you cant smoke seaweed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
