Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How's work?
Spinning.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize