I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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