There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
