1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do herpes really smell.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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